Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Get it together!

I have sensed that some people are under the impression that I have it together. I do not. I hate to ruin the fa├žade but it is true. I only have it partly together. Some of the time. Yes, we use cloth diapers while both working full time. Yes, we make our baby food. But have you seen my refrigerator? Trust me, you don’t want to. Another case in point, my emotional state.

We started a new sitter this week. Our old sitter is in the family way and is hopefully by now relaxing and preparing for her family’s newest addition. When we started with Caitlin (sitter #1) when the babies were about five months old, they were too young to care that she wasn’t me. This, in addition to several other factors, made it much easier to leave my awesome babies with her every day and head off to work. Now, the babies are nine months old and painfully aware when I leave them with this new stranger.

We took them over there for a little bit before the first day and they did fine. But this past Monday was a different story. It doesn’t help that by the time I drop them off, it’s about time for their first nap. And while each day has gotten better for Regina (new sitter), each morning has gotten harder for me. If this is going to be the trend for this week, I’m dreading tomorrow and Friday. I had to fight back tears as I drove away. And it got me thinking about how on earth I can be a stay-at-home-mom, again. What could we get rid of so I could be with my babies? Even if we cancelled the cable/internet, that wouldn’t be enough. My car will be paid off next year but even that wouldn’t be enough for me to quit working. Renting wouldn't be any cheaper than our house payment so that wouldn’t work either. Do you think my lender would care if I stopped paying my student loan? Sadly, even that wouldn’t help either. Maybe we need to play the lottery.